I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
