3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
