He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
