we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
