If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
