I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
