Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
