I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
