sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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