where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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