please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
