Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
