Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
