4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
