non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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