Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
