her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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