I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
