Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
