I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
