And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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