its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
