hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize