Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's even glitter on my cock...
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