found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
