I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
