everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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