I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
