real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
