hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
