is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
