If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
