I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
