i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
