Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize