I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
