i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
