i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
