I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
