At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
where does the pee come out of this thing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I deserve this hangover.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
