Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
