Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
