Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize