I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
