I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
