Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
