none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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