I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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