I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
