Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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