ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
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