I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He better not be in your backpack
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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