I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
