I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
