Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
