She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
