our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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