I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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