Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
