Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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