a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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