Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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