and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
