My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
