one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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