I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
